Today I submitted the first episode of my podcast to iTunes for review. I’m a little nervous about releasing this podcast to the world but I also know it can’t be perfect. This is the first one I’ve ever done, I will get better, and right now I’m only experimenting. I’m finding my voice and my subject matter.
This reminds me of something I used to do when I was in high school. I used to say and believe “if I only tried I’d get all A’s.” That was hiding. I was hiding from my potential and from the potential for failure. I wasn’t risking anything.
When starting something new I find it easy to let myself off the hook. But I struggle with deciding when it is hiding. When do I call myself out for not writing well enough to attract an audience? When do I face the fact that I’m not putting all of me into it – when I am subconsciously saying “if I only tried I’d have tons of people reading what I write.” Am I being true to myself or am I sheltering myself?
I don’t know how to answer these questions. What makes it all the more difficult is that there is no such thing as getting all A’s in blog posting. The only measure is through comparison which is a path to misery.
I’m going to keep going with what I’ve been doing – creating things that I think others will find valuable. And maybe I’ll figure out more later.