Tonight I realized that I’m losing faith in my ability to impact my daughter’s life. I want to encourage her to crawl, walk, potty train, and eat and drink on her own. She only spends every other weekend and Wednesday nights with me. I fear that that just isn’t enough time for me to push her forward on those things. They require consistency that I just can’t provide on this schedule.
I’m terribly saddened by this thought. I’m disappointed in myself – I feel like I’m giving up. Not on her, I know she is capable of everything she puts her mind to. I’m giving up on myself. On my ability to be more than a relative she sees every other weekend.
I’m not looking for sympathy – I’m just sharing my pain with the world. I put myself in this situation and I knew it would be hard. And I continue to have faith that I’ll be able to shape her life as she grows up – especially once we can sense each other’s souls. Right this moment is just a bit of a low point.